Hi! It’s been a few weeks since I hit you with a traditional Wednesday mental health post opposed to my and Rick’s goofy videos on mental illness and marriage. I was going to post a new installment of our grainy, terribly produced vlog, but at minute 17 of recording Rick turned to me on camera and said, “Can we do this video again? I don’t like what you said about [something about Rick]. I just don’t think that should be on YouTube. Also, you talked about dancing to ‘Mr. Roboto’ for seven minutes straight.”
Fair enough, Rick. Although I stand by the fact that Styx’s “Mr. Roboto” is the best/funniest song to dance to maybe ever. Wedding DJs consider it a dance floor killer, I consider it a dance floor thriller. Especially since the actual song “Thriller” gives me the creeps now that MJ’s true colors are shinin’ through. Unlike Cyndi, though, his true colors are why I don’t love him. Tough bum out.
Eighties music aside, it’s been one month and two days since my graduation, and I remain on the job hunt. When I was talking to a recruiter, she was rueful af about the fact that, six months ago, she’d had boat loads of jobs I’d be a stellar candidate for but now everyone is on a hiring freeze. Graduating during a global pandemic and civil rights crisis is a doozy! I’ve done the leg work. Even though I know I cannot do anything about the economic climate we’re living in, which includes the job market, it’s still hard to know I am not contributing to my family financially, especially with New York being s’dang expensive. Being in school is no longer an excuse.
To maintain my mental health I’ve been keeping pretty rigid morning and night routines, although rigid doesn’t seem to be the right adjective since that connotes a kind of non-breezy execution. My routines are what help me both start and wind down the day and I look forward to them. I’ve been jogging or doing yoga a couple times a week (sometimes even three if I’m feeling zealous!) and have been keeping busy with job applications, working on my manuscript, and the general minutiae of home life. Never have I had a cleaner shower. Or candied butternut squash.*
Anyway, I just want to say today that if you’re having an issue these days doing something that’d otherwise be no problem, or at least significantly easier, I get it. If you don’t get down, I won’t get down. I mean, I can’t promise, cause Sunday I was in a terrible, smile-less pit of despair, but I will do my best. I hope you’ll keep your chin up the best you can, too, and be extra gentle with yourself and others. Give your loved ones the benny of the doubt and more grace than usual. Rick challenged me to do that, and it actually uncovered a lot of turmoil and a need for support from my loved ones. Flip over some rocks and see what’s underneath.** Check in on a friend or family member who’s usually v strong, and who might be putting on a slight façade.
If all else fails, turn on “Mr. Roboto” for a giggle. Then, turn your freestyle choreo into a TikTok sensation, go viral, get picked up by a talent management agency, and the rest is history. Don’t forget ole bummed out Bailey when you’re famous.
*P.S. I subscribed to Misfits Market (organic produce that sometimes looks weird but tastes the same) and lugged a 13 lb. box up to my third floor apartment, wondering what the heck I’d done. Thirteen pounds?! Well, we’ve smashed it in less than a week. Plants, ahoy. For real. I even got Rick to eat said squash. Secret: maple syrup and cinnamon. Anyway, highly recommend. Enormous box was $22, and lord knows organic produce at the store ain’t that cheap.
**This reminds me of a chapter title in So Sad Today (by Melissa Broder) that made me lol, something like “Under the Anxiety is Sadness but Who Would Go Under There”
Wednesday posts cover something that’s top of mind for me that week and are written in a short period of time. This means that editing is not strong. While it’s not my best work, it is my best, unfiltered thought.
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If you or someone you know needs help right now, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.