Mental Health: Crunch Time

Hidey-ho internet neighborino, I wanted to drop a line today to say that my thesis is due on Monday, hence my lack of a vlog or regular post for today. My mind has been elsewhere, you know, on polishing my 120 page magnum opus! Just kidding. Not really.

Sometimes I get down on myself when I don’t turn out something at least mildly compelling for people to read on Wednesdays but, like I hope everyone else is doing, I’m trying to give myself some room to err (some air to err?) given the COVID nightmare and the fact that my Masters is coming to a close IN SIX DAYS!

Of course, I’m devastated to not be attending a ceremony in a cap and gown and then celebrating with loved ones while wearing something sparkly afterward, especially since I haven’t seen my siblings since July (meltdown 2k19, make some noise *club horn*). Alas, that is not my lot this May.

I’ve worked very hard the past two years on my memoir about me, my brothers, parents, and mental illness and the unbelievable baloney we’ve been through. I’ve labored, cried, given up, been inspired, recommitted, and a million other things, repeat. It’s exhausting and such a gift to sit down and crank out a story I believe is crucial to tell.

After thesis and graduation, next comes querying agents for representation- an arduous next step. But, I do hope to share a chunk of my thesis with those on Patreon. It’s not to be exclusive, but it’s a safer space for me since what I write about my family is sensitive and vulnerable, to say the least.

Anyway, stay tuned for some more hot goss in Bailey and Rick Talk at You: Episode 4 soon. We got some really great questions from a couple of you that I look forward to exploring.

Warmest,
Bailey


Wednesday posts cover something that’s top of mind for me that week and are written in a short period of time. This means that editing is not strong. While it’s not my best work, it is my best, unfiltered thought.


More on Bummed Out Bailey:
Mental Health: How to Perk up When you Feel Like You’ve Been Percocet’d
Mental Health: The Social Toll of Invisible Illness
Mental Health: A Poem to Read at Ho…me [ho-uhm]


Do you love Bummed Out Bailey? Want to help keep it going? The best way you can support me is to share my blog with friends! Another way to support is on my Patreon where you’ll find exclusive content. Your word of mouth and contribution mean more to me than you’ll ever know!

To subscribe to Bummed Out Bailey by email, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the website and enter your info into the form. I can also be found on InstagramFacebook, and Twitter!

If you or someone you know needs help right now, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Sustainable Sunday: Ziplock Bags

Disclosure: In case it’s not already abundantly clear, I have zero advertisers. Lol. So, please know that anything I feature on Sustainable Sunday posts are products I’ve simply researched and loved.


We don’t need a few people doing zero-waste perfectly, we need millions doing it imperfectly.

Lauren Singer*
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Swap: Instead of disposable ziplock bags, use reusable silicone storage bags that provide the same function without the waste.

Ziplocks are great for all types of things: storing ingredients and leftovers in the fridge or freezer, packing a lunch, keeping toys or small electronics, organizing toiletries, and preparing for trips. Hell, they even make a TSA-approved quart size bag for your liquids while traveling. But, the single or couple of uses of each bag before they hit the trash is a bummer.

There hasn’t really been a good alternative until reusable silicone storage bags came on the scene. Stasher makes multi-faceted bags in all different sizes and was founded by a regular parent trying to solve a problem packing her children’s lunches. Y’all know how much I love a small, woman-owned business! Some other companies that make reusable silicone bags are Earthsider, The Noble Narwhal, and Ziparoos. There are actually several versions on the market, so there are lots to choose from and many price points.

The bags are typically pricy, but so is buying disposable ziplocks over and over. Reusing disposable ziplocks can get unsanitary, and my favorite thing about the silicone bags is that most of them can go in the dishwasher. I just flip mine (Stasher) inside out and put it on the top rack. While Ziparoos are the most affordable version I’ve seen, something to consider is that dishwashers aren’t recommended for their product.

I only have one because I wanted to try them out before committing to several, and after months of use I still love and use it. I do still have disposable ziplocks in the house, but when the world starts to move again and I have a salary again (I graduate in three weeks!), I plan to fully switch over at some point.

One small consumption change for you, one small improvement for our environment.

Warmest,
Bailey

*Lauren Singer is an environmentalist who does not generate any waste(!). You can shop her store, Package Free, online or at the brick and mortar store in Brooklyn post-pandemic. Read more about Lauren here, and watch her Ted Talk here– she’s inspiring.


Once a month I share a sustainability tip or an easy swap in consumption routine to better care for the planet. Environmentally conscious change doesn’t always have to be expensive, laborious, or extremely time-consuming.


More on Bummed Out Bailey:
Sustainable Sunday: Floss
Recipe: “Chicken” Salad (Vegan) (Get it?! Cause you’d put a chicken salad sandwich in a ziplock bag)
Introducing Easy Sustainable Swaps!


Do you love Bummed Out Bailey? The best way you can support me is to share my blog with friends! Another way to support is on my Patreon where you’ll find exclusive content. Your word of mouth and contribution mean more to me than you’ll ever know!

To subscribe to Bummed Out Bailey by email, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the website and enter your info into the form. I can also be found on InstagramFacebook, and Twitter.

If you or someone you know needs help right now, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Mental Health: A Poem to Read at Ho…me [ho-uhm]

The caption on the stock image below is “man holding ballpoint pen.” I like that a bunch.

Poem to Read at Ho…me [ho-uhm]

I cannot take this anymore
I’m having nightmares about beyond the door
It’s too scary too go out
But if I stay in I’ll get the gout

Just kidding but my imagination is running wild
Can’t even fathom those with a child
My eyesight’s gone bleary
The routine’s gotten weary
Something about this isn’t working, clearly!

There isn’t a snack that hasn’t graced my lips
Cinnamon sugar pita chips
M&Ms and Ruffles aplenty
Homemade chocolate chips? I’ll have twenty

Pots of tea and cocktails shook
I wish I was inspired to write my book 
I’m not getting anything done
Even Real Housewives has lost its fun

Typically I like to be alone
But even this much makes me groan
If I get one more Zoom request I’m gonna hurl
I’ve never been a talk-on-the-phone-type-of-girl

Rick won’t play monopoly with me
He’d much rather fantasize about a golf course tee
He watches Monk for hours on end
He doesn’t care about Vicki Gunvalson

Ordering groceries is a bummer
I heard we’ll be like this until the summer
Creative recipes to use up the cilantro
Why does Amazon Fresh give me so much, though?

My houseplants have never been so well looked after
Wish I could remember the sound of laughter
Just kidding again, I crack myself up
Is that vodka? Fill my cup

I lay face down on the bed
Good thing I have pills for my head
Everybody hang in there
Like Dr. Evil in his underground lair.


If the poem I penned for you to read at ho-uhm isn’t indicator enough, I’m not okay, and I don’t mean the hehe-I’m-bored-not-okay. I had a rough day, one where my dreams interfered with my reality and I had to walk outside because I hadn’t in a week. My eyes were starting to malfunction because they hadn’t had the opportunity to focus on faraway things in days and days. Social media and Zoom calls are a dreadful imperative. I didn’t ask to be apart of this narrative. I’m rhyming again and I don’t know why. I think it’s best I just say goodbye.

Until next week…

Warmest,
Bailey


Wednesday posts cover something that’s top of mind for me that week and are written in a short period of time. This means that editing is not strong. While it’s not my best work, it is my best, unfiltered thought.


More on Bummed Out Bailey:
Mental Health: How to Perk up When you Feel Like You’ve Been Percocet’d
Mental Health: The Social Toll of Invisible Illness
Mental Health: Homebody v. Quarantine…Body?


Do you love Bummed Out Bailey? Want to help keep it going? The best way you can support me is to share my blog with friends! Another way to support is on my Patreon where you’ll find exclusive content. Your word of mouth and contribution mean more to me than you’ll ever know!

To subscribe to Bummed Out Bailey by email, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the website and enter your info into the form. I can also be found on InstagramFacebook, and Twitter!

If you or someone you know needs help right now, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Sustainable Sunday: Floss

Disclosure: In case it’s not already abundantly clear, I have zero advertisers. Lol. So, please know that anything I feature on Sustainable Sunday posts are products I’ve simply researched and loved.


Photo by Esther Ní Dhonnacha on Unsplash

I hope everyone is doing okay and maintaining their sanity during this strange, uncertain time. When the economy is indefinitely uncertain, it’s hard to think about doing anything “extra,” but I’ve got a foolproof swap here.

Global pandemic aside, some of the biggest hangups about making a sustainable swap are concern that the product isn’t as effective or of the same quality as the original, accessibility or execution require an unsustainable amount of effort, and expense. So, let’s talk about sustainable floss that you can order online and does the same job for the same expense as its conventional counterpart!

We all floss (your dentist and I hope…), and traditional floss tossed into the trash pollutes oceans, strangles sea life and, between the carton and the floss itself, takes 200-1000 years to decompose.

A few years ago I switched to Woobamboo! Floss, a bamboo/silk floss that does the same job for about the same cost. All of the packaging is recyclable, biodegradable, or compostable.

You can read more about the floss on the Woobamboo! website here, and buy it on Amazon here. If you prefer to shop small, a woman-owned business I love is Package Free,* and they sell Natural Silk Floss.

One small consumption change for you, one small improvement for our environment.

Amazon
Package Free

*Package Free is an awesome shop started by Lauren Singer, an environmentalist who does not generate any waste(!). You can shop online or at the brick and mortar store in Brooklyn. Read more about Lauren here, and watch her Ted Talk here– she’s inspiring. I imagine I will be referring to her a lot in these sustainability posts!


Once a month I share a sustainability tip or an easy swap in consumption routine to better care for the planet. Environmentally conscious change doesn’t always have to be expensive, laborious, or extremely time-consuming.

We don’t need a few people doing zero-waste perfectly, we need millions doing it imperfectly.

Lauren Singer

More on Bummed Out Bailey:
Introducing Easy Sustainable Swaps!
Why Do I Eat This Way?
Why Am I the Bummed Out Baker?


Do you love Bummed Out Bailey? Want to help keep it going? Support me on my Patreon. Your contribution means more to me than you’ll ever know.

To subscribe to Bummed Out Bailey by email, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the website and enter your info into the form. I can also be found on InstagramFacebook, and Twitter!

If you or someone you know needs help right now, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Mental Health: Moving. Improving?

Please know before I get on Bummed Out Bailey to write I always prioritize working with my family and psychiatrist to stabilize myself. I wouldn’t be on here if I hadn’t first confirmed my safety.


TW: suicidal ideation

For the first time in two and a half years, Rick and I have our own place. We began moving today, and now officially reside in an ocean of boxes. We had to order a mattress (trying out Nectar cause they have a sweet ass 365 day trial) and it’s not yet arrived, so after bidding dramatic fare thee well to my in-laws, we came back out to their house on Long Island for the night. Ha. The goldens are here, the familiarity of my in-laws are here, and I know where the glasses are. I can’t say any of those things about the new place on the Upper West Side. After so anxiously awaiting this day and losing sleep over the excitement and stress of the move, we delighted in the new space for the day and then dipped out back to the comfort zone (and existence of a bed to sleep in). I feel like I’m gonna fall over, but in a good way. So, now I sip a well earned cocktail and write.

Of all days, I got a call from a potential new client and did a consult for Tidy B Organizing today, too. Phew. Once Rick and I are settled in, I will buckle down on my thesis w my eye on graduation in May.

This post is a little too pie in the sky for me, so let me bring it down a notch!

I’m gonna say something terrible (and triggering to some), and that is that, more times than not, I believe at some point in time I will lose my battle to mental illness. I’m not experiencing ideation, and I don’t have some kind of plan to employ, I just think it’s important to admit to it in case anyone else out there has a ping of “me too” from the dark recesses of their mind. I bring this up because, in therapy Monday night, I told both Rick and the therapist this truth about me. I’ve got dramatic dips and intoxicating highs, times when I actually think to myself I’m so glad I’m still here. I’m so glad I didn’t die in 2008 when I last wanted to most. I have important writings to offer. I have worthwhile things to say and kindness to spread and companionship to give to so many. And then, there’s the counterweight thoughts I’ve talked about many times before. This is my life. This is it, being at the mercy of this up and down, and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do this forever. Maybe I can make it through this time, but I can’t do this forever. I think about my friend K who died by suicide in September every single day. I imagine her in some kind of business casual get up with ballet flats getting her running start, and I feel a companionship.

It’s so weird to feel a sisterhood in suicide. Joan Didion says that we as people are always looking “for the sermon in suicide” and I just don’t think it’s that deep. It’s an imbalance, a recurring, level ten pain, a self hatred that finally turns to numbness and then to action, because there’s nothing else left. This arc crystallizes in my mind, a piece of realism in the far distance, even when I’m experiencing good times like moving into a perfect tiny apartment w my husband half a block from Central Park. You can have all of the coziness and the comfort of being surrounded by your curated curiosities (golly that alliteration was HORRIFIC and obnoxious, sorry) you delight in, surrounding yourself with and books and books and books and still see the speck in the distance: a truth, a possibility, a place where my mind is able to go, firm and unmoving. Insoluble. The direction my life could take isn’t even scary to me anymore, cause it’s like that thing of touching a bruise to still see if it hurts. It’s still there, but you’re kinda used to it. It’s a blemish that won’t fade. Does it enrich my life somehow? I cant tell. I think Mozart said that the unexamined life is for dweebs. Maybe that was Hawking. Such poignancy should be properly credited.

I am exhausted, like fell asleep in the passenger seat of the car on the way home like a toddler exhausted, so hopefully my words aren’t alarming or weirding anyone out too much today. A little bit of weird is good though. It’s the essence of me.

Ever Yours in Cringe-Worthy Truths,

Bailey

p.s. I know my posts are always a bummer. It is my self-deprecating moniker, after all. But, I hope to start showing some joyful glimpses of the magical life I’m privileged to live on here soon. Rick is a hoot and a half to observe on the web, or so I hear. In the meantime, check out my Rick highlight on my gram, linked at bottom of this page, for more.

Written Tuesday, March 3, 2020.


Wednesday posts cover something that’s top of mind for me that week and are written in a short period of time. This means that editing is not strong. While it’s not my best work, it is my best, unfiltered thought.

More on Bummed Out Bailey:
Mental Health: Valentine’s Posts Are a No From Me Dog
Mental Health: The Social Toll of Invisible Illness
Mental Health: Tired of Me


Do you love Bummed Out Bailey? Want to help keep it going? Support me on my Patreon. Your contribution means more to me than you’ll ever know!

To subscribe to Bummed Out Bailey by email, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the website and enter your info into the form. I can also be found on InstagramFacebook, and Twitter!

If you or someone you know needs help right now, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.