Recipe: THE Stew, AKA Spiced Chickpea Stew with Coconut and Turmeric (Gluten-Free + Vegan)

My best friend from high school, Alana, texted me asking simply if I’d made The Stew. Capital T, capital S. I hadn’t even heard it yet, and I’m supposed to be the one hip on popular recipes. BOB fail.

Anyway, she said it was so good and so many people had made it that its name had been dropped and was now just referred to as The Stew. I served it with some Thai jasmine rice, but that was entirely unnecessary. The Stew stands on its own!

Ingredients

1/4 c olive oil, more for serving
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 yellow onion, chopped
2 t minced ginger
several pinches sea salt
several pinches fresh ground black pepper
1 1/2 t ground turmeric
1 t red pepper flakes, more for serving
2 15 oz cans chickpeas, drained and rinsed
2 15 oz cans full fat coconut milk, blended if necessary*
2 c vegetable stock
1 bunch rainbow chard (or Swiss chard, kale, or collard greens) stems removed and torn into small pieces
1 c mint leaves, for serving

*Sometimes, even with a good shake of the can, coconut milk will remain separated. In this case just plop it all into a blender and blend it for 5-10 seconds to make it smooth again.

Instructions

  1. In a large pot, heat olive oil over medium. Add garlic, onion, and ginger, pinches of sea salt and pepper, and cook. Stir occasionally until onion is translucent, about three minutes.
  2. Add turmeric, red pepper flakes, and chickpeas, and season again with generous pinches of sea salt and pepper. Stir frequently while cooking so the chickpeas fry a bit in the spices and oil and start to break down a bit, about eight minutes. Remove ~1 c cooked chickpeas and set aside for serving.
  3. With a spatula, crush remaining chickpeas slightly, something that will help thicken the stew. Add coconut milk and stock, seasoning again with pinches of sea salt and pepper. Bring stew to a simmer and scrape off any bits that have formed on the sides or bottom of pot. Stir occasionally for about 35 minutes as the stew thickens and flavors start to come together.
  4. Fully submerge greens in the stew and stir, cooking about five minutes so they soften. One last time, season stew with sea salt and pepper.
  5. To serve, top stew with mint, fried chickpeas, red pepper flakes, and a drizzle of olive oil.

Serves four.

Bummed Out Bailey Rating: 7/10
Big points for ease, but it wasn’t as life-changing as I’d expected it to be!

Rick-the-Meat-Eater Rating: 7.5/10
What would make it score higher? (me, to Rick)

Chicken. Ground beef? Steak?

Rick, a meat-eating spouse

Adapted from Spiced Chickpea Stew with Coconut and Turmeric.


More on Bummed Out Baker:
Recipe: Borscht Topped with Sour Cream
Recipe: Roasted Tomato Basil and Rice Soup (Gluten-Free + Vegan)
Recipe: Enchilada Soup


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Recipe: Disaster Dinner Rolls (Gluten-Free + Vegan + Lol)

And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

Talking Heads on Disaster Dinner Rolls

I thought I’d be slick to post a gluten-free, vegan dinner roll recipe for those cooking a big holiday meal. I’ve been eating gluten-free for about six weeks, probably, in addition to vegetarian and dairy-free (the latter two a long way of saying I basically eat vegan with the exception of eggs).

Gluten-free baking is clearly not my forté… yet.

Ingredients

3 T Earth Balance
1 c full fat coconut milk from can
1/4 c water
1/4 c + 1 T sugar
3 1/2 t instant yeast
3 c gluten-free flour
1/4 t sea salt
1/4 c non-dairy milk of choice

Instructions

  1. In a medium saucepan on low heat, melt butter for a few seconds.
  2. Stir in coconut milk, water and 1/4 c sugar. Test temperature of mixture with a questionable, rinsed off thermometer your father in-law used in the Thanksgiving turkey until it reaches 105-110°F.
  3. Turn off stove and add yeast. Stir once and let the yeast activate for ten minutes.
  4. In the meantime, feel smug about being in the throes of making homemade bread. Also, whisk sea salt into flour in a separate bowl.
  5. Add salted flour to yeast mixture a little bit a time and mix well. Start by using the rice spoon you googled and then bought on Amazon upon first reading this recipe through. Once the dough gets heavy, you get to use your HANDS!
  6. Knead dough until flour is well incorporated. If it’s dry and crumbly, add more coconut milk a little at a time. When you’ve polished off the coconut milk and it’s still crumbly, start pouring water into it. Finally, give up.
  7. Shape dough into a big ball, place in a large bowl, cover top with Saran wrap, and let it sit there for two hours. Pretend to be reading Dead Souls while you wait. As you realize that that book does, indeed, make your soul feel dead, the dough should at least triple in size.
  8. Side eye dough that has not risen one iota and then preheat oven to 350°F.
  9. Remove dough from bowl, scrambling to slap pieces crumbling off of it back onto the ball. Continue, unabashed.
  10. Add some flour on your working surface so the dough doesn’t stick, or not, and knead the dough to deflate it. Deflate what?
  11. Divide dough in half and divide each half in half until you get 12 little balls. At some point, you’ll realize this is bad math and that you actually need to divide the last halves into thirds. Using sheer will, keep balls of dough together.
  12. Line baking dish with parchment paper and add your rolls.
  13. With hope, stir last 1 T sugar into the non-dairy milk of choice.
  14. Using a pastry brush, something else you googled and bought on Amazon, apply wash on each roll to get an icing-type finish. Wonder why the original recipe said the wash was supposed to look brown and glossy. Ponder whether they accidentally used rotten soy milk.
  15. Momentarily appreciate the rolls looking like dessert.
  16. Place rolls in oven and let bake for 30 minutes. Feel your stomach drop in defeat when, after 20 minutes, nothing about your rolls has changed. Look at your father in-law when he reassures you that “there’s still time.”
  17. Take bitter icing balls out of oven and let cool, because you’re still gonna try them “just in case.”
  18. See video at top of post.
Do these look like cinnamon rolls? Yah. Did they taste like cinnamon rolls? Nah.

Serves zero friends, 12 frenemies, or one nemesis.

Bummed Out Bailey Rating: 0/10 (a first!)
Rick-the-Meat-Eater Rating: 0/10

Where are the rolls? Did you throw them in the trash? I’m sorry, babe. When you bake with gluten-free flour, you need Xanthan gum.

Rick, a meat-eating, not gluten-free husband

Poorly adapted from Vegan Dinner Rolls.

More on Bummed Out Baker:
Recipe: Chocolate-Filled Shortbread Thumbprint Cookies (Vegetarian)
Happy Birthday Bummed Out Baker! Chocolate Birthday Cake with Whipped Cream Icing (Gluten-Free + Vegan)
Recipe: Sugar Cookies (these are actually good)


Do you love Bummed Out Baker? Want to help keep it going? Support me on my Patreon. Your contribution means more to me than you’ll ever know!

To subscribe to Bummed Out Baker by email, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the website to find the form. Follow Instagram for behind-the-scenes panic attacks and my begrudging, meat-eating husband captured in the wild, Facebook for mental health articles and discussion, and Twitter for sassy or informative tweets.

If you or someone you know needs help right now, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Recipe: Chole Aloo Tikki (Gluten-Free + Vegan)

What’s up everybody it’s me, mister steal-yo-gurl-with-Indian-food.

season’s greetings! (see what I did there)

Ingredients

2 potatoes
1 T sea salt, divided
1 T cornstarch
1 t ground ginger
1 t ground cumin
1 t cayenne
1 T chopped fresh cilantro
1/2 T ground black pepper
3 1/2 T olive oil, divided
1/2 t black peppercorns
2 whole cloves
2 small dried chili peppers, chopped
1 t cumin seeds
2 bay leaves
1 onion, chopped
1/2 T fresh ginger, grated
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 t curry powder
1 t ground turmeric
1 t tomato paste
1 T water
1 tomato, chopped
1 15 oz can garbanzo beans, drained

Instructions

  1. Place potatoes into a large pot, cover with water, and add 1/2 T sea salt. Bring to boil, then reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until tender, about 20 minutes. Drain and peel potatoes. Peels should slide off pretty easily after boiling!
  2. In a bowl, mash together cooked potatoes, cornstarch, ground ginger, cumin, cayenne, cilantro, remaining 1/2 T sea salt, and pepper. Mash together using a fork, masher, or your hands if you’re feeling wild. And particularly clean. Your hands. Your hands should be clean.
  3. Oil (clean) hands and divide potato mixture into four portions. Pat each into a patty about 1/2″ thick.
  4. Heat 1 T oil in a skillet over medium. Fry potato cakes about three minutes on each side. Then, remove them from skillet, set aside, and keep warm.
  5. Grind peppercorns and cloves with a bullet-type blender or mortar and pestle if you got it like that.
  6. Heat remaining 2 T oil in skillet over medium-high. Stir in chili peppers, cumin, and bay leaves. Then, add onion, fresh ginger, and garlic. Stir until onion is golden, about three minutes. Then, add pepper-clove mixture, curry, and turmeric.
  7. Dilute tomato paste in the water and then stir it and the chopped tomato into the skillet. Cook over medium heat until the tomato has softened, about three minutes. Stir in chickpeas and let mixture flavors meld over low heat for ten minutes.
  8. Take bay leaves out and spoon chickpea mixture over the potato cakes. Sprinkle with cilantro leaves and serve.

Serves four.

Bummed Out Bailey Rating: 6/10 Spicy, which I like, but a little too time-consuming to make IMHO.
Rick-the-Meat-Eater Rating: N/A – Where was that guy?

Adapted from Indian Chole Aloo Tikki.

More on Bummed Out Baker:
Malai Kofta
Thai Curry Vegetables
Moussaka


Do you love Bummed Out Baker as much as I love creating it? Want to help keep it going? Support here.

To subscribe to Bummed Out Baker by email, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the website to find the form. Follow Instagram for behind-the-scenes panic attacks and my begrudging, meat-eating husband captured in the wild, Facebook for mental health articles and discussion, and Twitter for sassy or informative tweets.

If you or someone you know needs help right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Recipe: Sloppy Joes (Vegan)

Come on down to nostalgia town
Where sloppy joes are lots of fun
There’s a healthy way
to make them, yay
So come on, everyone.

Anytime I think of sloppy joes, I think of this fine piece of cinema.

Ingredients

1 c lentils, well rinsed
2 c water
2 T olive oil
1 medium white onion, half minced, half sliced for serving
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 bell pepper, diced
1 pinch sea salt
1 pinch black pepper
1 15 oz can tomato sauce
2 T sugar
1 T vegan-friendly Worcestershire sauce
1 t chili powder
1 t ground cumin
1 pinch paprika
hamburger buns

Instructions

  1. In a sieve, rinse lentils thoroughly. In a medium saucepan, bring water and lentils to a low boil, then reduce heat to simmer and cook, uncovered, for about 18 minutes. Drain and set aside.
  2. Meanwhile, heat a large, deep skillet over medium heat. Once hot, stir together oil, minced half of onion, garlic, bell pepper, sea salt and black pepper.
  3. Sauté mixture for five minutes, stirring frequently, until the peppers and onions are tender and beginning to brown.
  4. Stir in tomato sauce, sugar, Worcestershire, chili powder, cumin, and paprika until combined.
  5. Stir lentils into the mixture until combined.
  6. Stirring occasionally, heat mixture over medium-low heat until warmed through and thick, about five minutes.
  7. Taste and, if needed, adjust with sea salt, sugar, Worcestershire, chili powder, or cumin.
  8. Serve on your favorite buns with sliced onion.

This recipe serves four people but, uh, I ate it all in two days. So, in my case, one. It served one.

To reheat, put on stove over low or medium-low heat, adding a splash of water if the mixture has gotten dried out.

Bummed Out Bailey Rating: 9/10
Rick-the-Meat-Eater Rating: N/A/10 …because I ate it all.

Adapted from Vegan Sloppy Joes.

Related on Bummed Out Baker:
Recipe: Spicy Lentil Tacos (Vegan + Gluten-Free)
Recipe: Mujaddara
Recipe: “Chicken Salad”


To subscribe to Bummed Out Baker and get my mental health musings and recipes emailed to you directly, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the website – Follow on Instagram for behind-the-scenes panic attacks and my begrudging, meat-eating husband captured in the wild – Follow on Facebook for mental health articles and discussion – Follow on Twitter for sassy tweets and a sprinkle of nonsense.

If you or someone you know needs help right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Recipe: Strawberry Shortcake with Coconut Whipped Cream (Vegan)

I knocked it outta the park with this one. The carnivores love it, too.

tastes even better than it looks

Ingredients

3/4 c coconut milk
1 T apple cider vinegar
1 t vanilla extract, divided
1 c flour
1 scant cup almond flour
2 T cornstarch
3 T sugar, plus a few pinches more for topping
1/2 t sea salt
2 t baking powder
3 T coconut oil, plus a bit more for brushing onto shortbread
1 lb strawberries, hulled and sliced
1 14 oz can full fat coconut milk, refrigerated overnight
3/4 c powdered sugar

scant cup of almond flour

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 400°F and lightly grease a baking sheet. Set aside.
  2. In a measuring cup, stir together coconut milk, apple cider vinegar, and 1/2 t vanilla. Let it sit for a few minutes, allowing it to curdle.
  3. Add flour, almond flour, cornstarch, sugar, sea salt, and baking powder to a large mixing bowl and whisk to combine. Add the coconut oil and use a spatula to mash and break it up into the flour mixture.
  4. Add about 3/4 c coconut milk mixture to the dry mixture and stir to combine into a semi-sticky dough. Note that you may not use all of the coconut milk mixture (I used all but 1 T). If mixture looks too dry, add more coconut milk 1 T at a time. If it looks too wet, add more flour 1 T at a time. Err on the side of too wet.
  5. Transfer dough to a well-floured surface and dust the top with a bit flour. Handling dough as little as possible, form it into about a 1″ thick pancake with your hands. Using a well-floured biscuit cutter, cookie cutter, or narrow drinking glass (what I used), cut out circles and transfer them carefully to the baking sheet. Arrange shortcakes so they touch (see photo).
  6. Reform leftover dough as needed until all is used, making about seven shortcakes.
  7. Butter tops of shortcakes with melted coconut oil and sprinkle each with cane sugar.
  8. Bake 15 minutes, until beginning to brown slightly. Increase heat to 450°F and bake for another three minutes. Be careful not to burn.
  9. When done, remove shortcakes from oven and let cool five minutes. Then, separate shortcakes and move to a plate so they can better cool. It’s okay if they’re a bit warm when serving.
  10. While shortcakes are cooling, put a large mixing bowl into the fridge for ten minutes in preparation for the whipped cream.
  11. Being careful not to tip or shake, remove can of coconut milk from the fridge. Scrape out the thickened cream that has risen to the top into the chilled mixing bowl and save the liquid for another recipe.
  12. Beat solidified coconut milk until creamy, about 30 seconds. Add remaining 1/2 t vanilla and powdered sugar and whip until creamy and smooth, about one minute.
  13. To serve, slice shortcakes in half and top with coconut whipped cream and a generous serving of sliced strawberries.

The biscuits (let’s be honest, that’s what they really look like) and refrigerated strawberries will last in airtight containers for a few days, but that whipped cream is a like a fine wine and stays good for a couple weeks.

Serves six normies or three wild dessert eaters.

Bummed Out Bailey Rating: 10/10
Rick-the-Meat-Eater Rating: ?/10 (he’s in NYC, I’m in Texas)

Adapted from Vegan Gluten-Free Strawberry Shortcake and Coconut Whipped Cream.

Related on Bummed Out Baker: 
Strawberries Romaoff (Gluten-Free + Raw + Vegan)
Strawberry Cake
Velvet Cake


Do you love Bummed Out Baker? Want to help keep it going? Support me on my Patreon. Your contribution means more to me than you’ll ever know!

To subscribe to Bummed Out Baker by email, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the website to find the form. Follow Instagram for behind-the-scenes panic attacks and my begrudging, meat-eating husband captured in the wild, Facebook for mental health articles and discussion, and Twitter for sassy or informative tweets.

If you or someone you know needs help right now, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.